I was testing the children

in my Sunday school class

to see if they understood the concept
of getting to heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car,

had a big garage sale

and gave all my money

to the church,

Would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day,

mowed the yard,

and kept everything neat and tidy,
would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now I was starting to smile.

Hey, this was fun!

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals

and gave candy

to all the children,

and loved my husband,

would that get me into Heaven?"

I asked them again.
Again, they all answered, "NO!"

I was just bursting with pride for them.
"Well," I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out,

"YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

I will be back on Monday, Love you all and have a great Day, Madie

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male
buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the
buffalo
with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere,
then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand
pulling
another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says
to the waiter, "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa! We're still cleaning up your mess from
yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in United
States
Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others
to clean up, disappear for rest of Day. Love You All My Friends,Madie!!!!

What I Want in a Man, Original List! :
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture >>7. Wears a
shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 82)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

Love you all Madie!!

That is how my morning started !!!!!
I told Ken I have to go to the bathroom and he said OK,I was takeing a little longer cause I sat there thinking, and believe it or not I hear a little knock on the Door,you know like you Children use to do. I said yes! and Ken said, are you in there? smart ass as I am, said no I fell in the Toilete, smart ass as Ken is, ask me can I help you to get out. You got to love that man. He is never short of smart ass answers. Love ya Madie