Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent

To all my Friends out there, Have a great week and be the Sunshine always by your side. Love Madie

MY ATTORNEY!!!!

After living what I felt was a "decent" life, my time
on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember
is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I
thought to be a court house. The doors opened and I
was instructed to come in and have a seat by the
defense table.

As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor." He was a
villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at
me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever
seen.


I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My
Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose
appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew
Him.


The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge
in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome
presence as He moved across the room. I couldn't take
my eyes off of Him. As He took His seat behind the
bench, He said, "Let us begin."


The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I
am here to show you why this sinner belongs in hell."
He proceeded to tell of lies that I told, things that
I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan
told of other horrible perversions that were once in
my life and the more he spoke, the further down in my
seat I sank.


I was so embarrassed that I couldn't look at anyone,
even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sins that
even I had completely forgotten about. As upset as I
was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I
was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there
silently not offering any form of defense at all. I
know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done
some good in my life -- couldn't that at least equal
out part of the harm I'd done?
Satan finished with a fury and said, "This sinner
belongs in hell, and is guilty of all that I have
charged and there is not a person who can prove
otherwise."


When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He
might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over
the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to
come forward. As He got up and started walking, I was
able to see Him in His full
splendor and majesty. I realized why He seemed so
familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and
my Savior.


He stopped at the bench and softly said to the Judge,
"Hi, Dad," and then He turned to address the court.
"Satan was correct in saying that this man had sinned,
I won't deny any of these allegations. And, yes, the
wage of sin is death, and this sinner deserves to be
punished." Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His
Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed,
"However, I died on the cross so that this person
might have eternal life and he has accepted Me as his
Savior, so he is Mine."


My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the
book of life and no one can snatch him from Me. Satan
still does not understand yet. This man is not to be
given justice, but rather mercy."


As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His
Father and said,"There is nothing else that needs to
be done. I've done it all."


The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel
down. The following words resounded from His lips...
"This man is free. The penalty for him has already
been paid in full. Case dismissed."


As my Lord embraced me and led me away, I could hear
Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win
the next one."



I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to
go next, "Have you ever lost a case?" Christ lovingly
smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to Me and
asked Me to represent them has received the same
verdict as you, "PAID IN FULL."

Have a good Day my Friends, Love you all Madie

What happen when you let your spouse/partner loose at Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type
of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally President and CEO - Wal-Mart Complaint Department


MEMO

Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams; "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!!!!

Have a great weekend my Friends
Love you all Madie.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

Remember, there is no way you can look as bad as that person on your drivers license.

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

11. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Humpty Dumpty was pushed!

Take care. Love you all Madie

I hope I don't offend anybody and please no name calling.
I just got it in a E-Mail and I had to share it. Was just funny for me.

MR. PRESIDENT, I'M HEADED TO MEXICO
David M. Bresnahan
April 1, 2006
NewsWithViews.com

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this.

I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here.
So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don’t enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your V.P.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

Sincerely,

David M. Bresnahan

Love you all my Friends, don't care if you white, black, yellow, green or in between. Have a good Day. Love Madie