A Prostitute's Tax Return



A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says: "Before we begin I'll need to ask you a few questions."He gets her name, address,
social security number, etc, and then asks,"What is your occupation?" "I'm a whore," she says.

The accountant balks and says, "No, No, No, that won't work; too gross.
Let's try to rephrase that."The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl."
"Sorry, that is still too crude. Try again."

They both think for a minute, then the woman says, "How about elite chicken farmer'."
Stunned, the accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a high-end call girl?"

"Well, I raised over a thousand little peckers last year."

" Good enough ! "

Tax Time!! so I send a funny joke to make everybody smile. Hope all my Friends get a kick out of it. Have a great day. Hug, hug, Madie

The soldier stood and faced God,
Which must always come to pass.
he hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass.

Step forward now, you soldier,
How shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To My Church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,
"No, Lord, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry guns,
Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,
And at times my talk was tough.
And sometimes I've been violent,
Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,
That wasn't mine to keep...
Though I worked a lot of overtime,
When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,
Though at times I shook with fear.
And sometimes, God, forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,
Among the people here.
They never wanted me around,
Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,
It needn't be so grand.
I never expected or had too much,
But if you don't, I'll understand."

There was a silence all around the throne,
Where the saints had often trod.
As the soldier waited quietly,
For the judgment of his God.

"Step forward now, you soldier,
You've borne your burdens well.
Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,
You've done your time in Hell."

~Author Unknown~

Remember, it is the Soldier, not the reporter
Who has given us the freedom of the press.
It is the Soldier, not the poet,
Who has given us the freedom of speech.
It is the Soldier Who salutes the flag,
Who serves beneath the flag, and
Whose coffin is draped by the flag,
Who allows the protester to burn the flag.

Please pass this on and pray for our men and
women currently serving our country and pray for those
who gave the ultimate sacrifice for freedom­

AUTHOR UNKNOWN TO ME­
­­
­ Have a very Nice Day, Love ya all, Madie

I ----- SOCIAL SECURITY SEX

Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security
sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I
get a little each month, but not enough to live
on!"

II ----- LOUD SEX

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've
got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in
bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this
ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely
natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me
up!"

III ----- QUIET SEX

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right
out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking,
"How come you never tell me when you have an
orgasm. She looked at him casually and replied,
"You're never home!"

IV ----- CONFOUNDED SEX

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood"
was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor
assured him that modern medicine could give him
back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't
cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for
"small," $6,500 for "medium," and $14,000 for
"large." The man was sure he would want a medium
or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over
with his wife before he made any decision The man
called his wife on the phone and explained their
options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the
man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of
you decided?" asked the doctor.
The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the
kitchen".

V ------ WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the
day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband

yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone

that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you
a headstone that reads: Here Lies My Husband -

Stiff At Last.'

VI --- NO SEX

My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and
said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was
right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted
it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

VII ---- OLD SEX

One night an 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo
to find her 92 yr. old husband in bed with another
woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him
off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living
apartment...killing him instantly.
Brought before the court on a charge of murder.The
judge asked her if she had anything to say in her
defense.
She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that
at 92, if he could have sex..... he could fly.


Have fun my friends. Madie

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it
takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective
reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,
but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often
over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of
course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting
hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.

8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the
weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much
over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have
around.

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd
be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a
man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he
doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he
keeps trying! Pass these on to both male and female
friends of yours so that they can have a chuckle too.

Have a very nice day and a peaceful weekend. Love Madie

Only a man from Minnesota can make you feel like a woman............

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passed through a severe storm.

The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning. One woman in particular lost it. Screaming, she stood up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wailed. Then she yelled, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there was silence. Everyone had forgotten his or her own peril. Eyes riveted, they all stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man from Minnesota stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest. She gasped...
.
.
.
.
.
He said, "Here! Iron this -- and then get me a beer."

Love you all Madie